I LOVE BALLS. There, I said it. The problem is that I don’t like all balls and let’s face it, there’s quite a variety of these suckers out there. Let’s do a brief recap, shall we? There are big balls, small balls, firm balls, saggy balls, light balls, dark balls, blue balls, bouncy balls, the one ball, the three ball (not actually sure about this but figured I’d throw it in), smelly balls, hairy balls, sweaty balls, goofy balls, bruised balls, salty balls, low hanging balls, prickly balls, sensitive balls…the list goes on and on, do you catch my drift?
For the purpose of this exercise let’s keep things simple and focus on the size and character of these balls. Now, in my humble experience our population is overcrowded with two specific categories of men—those who have small, wimpy, weepy balls—and those who have big, giant, barbaric balls. As you can imagine…this creates a great unbalance in the dating universe that forces those with more average, normal—regular if you will—nuggets from bursting through the pack.
Let’s dive deeper, shall we. Some women may think there’s no way to discern the size of a man’s family jewels until they are dangling smack in front of your face. Well, I beg to differ. I challenge you to pay attention to these blatant warning signs that will help you determine early on which ones you’re juggling with so you can decide which are worth making your own.
How to tell when a man’s suffering from tiny balls syndrome:
He thinks you’re cute but can’t approach you
He asked for your number but doesn’t call
He is too intimidated by you to date you
He likes you but is afraid to tell you (this is diff than above)
You’ve gone on 5 dates and he still hasn’t tried to kiss you
You’ve been dating for months and he still hasn’t met (or attempted to meet) your friends
He won’t be the 1st (or only) guy in his pack to have a girlfriend or wife
He settles with an unhappy, unfulfilling relationship—because it’s easy
When he falls in love, he runs away from it
He cheats
How to tell when a man’s suffering from gigantic balls syndrome:
You just met and he’s already calling you at 3am
For your first date, he takes you to his ‘regular spot’ (where everyone knows his name and all his previous dates have also suffered—which also happens to be a block from where he lives)
He suggests you go back to his place after said first date
If you don’t go for that, he tries to ‘sext’ after this first date
He continues to booty call you, even though you don’t respond
No really, he won’t stop texting, even though you don’t respond and it’s now months later…
He has a gf/wife and is still trying to get in your pants
You are completely out of his league and he approaches you anyway
He takes you out for a drink and a ‘tapa’ and expects to get some
He wants to do a drive-by after he just got some a#@ from another girl
He charmingly, yet aggressively keeps asking for nude pics (wtf already!)
He doesn’t put the toilet seat down before he leaves in the morning
Sigh, that was exhausting. What happened to all of the guys in the middle—you know, with medium the sized balls? The ones who aren’t afraid of their feelings and know how to court a woman in a purposeful, classy kind of way? The ones who aren’t afraid to do the right thing and to take a little chance even if it meant they might get hurt once in a while. Guys—we know you’re still out there getting knocked around by all the other haphazard balls—but really, so are we! Until then….we will continue on the conquest for the just right, medium sized balls. Now THAT would be a happy ending!
No comments:
Post a Comment